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Crazy thoughts

22 November 2009 | 4:49 PM

SJ(:

Feel like doing crazy things now. I'm serious, but I don't know what crazy things I should do.
I just feel like...
I don't want to spend my time sleeping. I want something exciting.
(Seems like 2 years ago, hahaha)
I miss Huili. Met her yesterday for only less than an hour. Friends for so long and this is the only time I haven't see her face for so long, how good can it be.

I reckon that I'll do something crazy soon.

Reflection

09 November 2009 | 7:12 PM

Reflected on the things I've done recently. It's probably one of the times when I really settle down to think about what I've been through and what areas I should change or grow in.

Sometimes I wish I could be like my grandmother, no matter what happens, she always have so much faith. The fire and faith that she has, inspires me.
Sometimes I also want to be like my mum, she always ask me to pray. To be honest, I don't pray long when I'm tired. If I'm tired, I would just thank God for everything in my life and I'll sleep. Back to my mum, even though most of the time I'm not at home, I know that she pray when she wake up.
There was once I saw her standing at the windows, tears rolled down her eyes. I dare not ask her what happen, but I know it was God that moved her.
I want to be like her because no matter how tired she is, she makes an effort to wake up early to pray and start doing her housework.
Sometimes I also wish I'm like my 2 youngest cousins, the love they have for God is never ending. They always tell my grandfather this, "Ah gong, don't look at the pain on your leg, look at the cross." They are just like 7 years old and 5 years old only.
I also want to have the love for God like they have. I love Him.

But... Every time when I think of the things I have done, I'm not even worthy. I don't know how to say. I just want to do things I like but at the same time, don't want to do anything that is wrong.

Tell me please.

Thoughts of this week

01 November 2009 | 4:56 PM

I've got so many thoughts in my mind that I need to "jot" it down for future references. Okay, quite stupid, but whatever.

First thing. Recently, my mum told me about the story of my cousin. I'm speechless.
Almost everyone has a computer at home, most of them will use the computer everyday or at least 3-4 times per week, AT LEAST, but my cousin don't, just because his mum don't allow. AND he's a guy. This is his respect for his mum, he don't retaliate.
He didn't want his mum to get upset with him because their family is also going through a tough time currently. So, he told his mum that he's going to his friends house to study or even soccer training, however, he went to my grandmother house to use computer. (He can't tell his mum that he's going because his mum don't allow) You know, it's complicated and I feel very sad. Seriously.

How I wish I could help him with anything and everything.
Okay, anyways, my thought is if he could lead this life without any grudges against his mum and grumbling, why should people who are more fortunate than him grumble everyday. To think of those who do not have alot of freedom in what they do and get controlled with anything or even everything, should they even be satisfied with their life?
It's just my thought.

Secondly, he and his mum were once christians, but they backslided and never slide back again. I kept asking myself, what if they stayed on? Would their lives be different from what they are facing now. The answer I've concluded is, YES. God would be faithful if we are faithful to Him.
Through this years, not to drag other people in, I have seen God changing my life in every ways. If you know, I wasn't a very good girl during secondary school days. If it wasn't God that saved me again, I wouldn't be what I am now.
(I know this is long, but I just want to type out how I feel)
This is what I've have been thinking recently, it just hit me hard. I begin to understand how important is it to keep the love I have for God.
If my mum sees this, she'll be happy for me.

Thirdly, my cousin never gave up in anything though he knows that now he has problems in his family. While I was talking to him yesterday at my grandma house, I found out that his results in school were great. He's stepping into 3rd year of secondary school life next year. He will be taking 3 Maths and 2 pure science.
I'm proud of him as a cousin. No matter how bad his family situation is, he never once disappointed his parents. My grandparents and aunties always say that he is the most obedient cousin among all of us.
How much he respect his love ones.
He excels in studies and his CCA, what else more.

Because of this, my feelings got stirred up. I never thought that someone could be that brave and hardworking. I admire him, his respect for his parents.
I'm going to learn from him. I also want to have the respect he has for his parents. I want to show it to my parents that I've changed, totally. I'm no longer the person 2 years ago.
I shall not grumble about what I have now.

EXPAND!
I want to do more things in life.